life is the world you create
the love i have for my family even makes me afraid

my brother got his drivers license, yay right ? no. i was so afraid for him i almost broke down in tears the second i read the text. he is not old enough to drive. not mentally at least. he is just not ready. well i was right. i got in the jeep with him he promised me he would be safe. well his safe would kill someone. he broke that promise. i will not get in his jeep any more. my brother could not understand what safe is. i asked him a question that helped get through to him i think. i asked him “what if a 5 year old drops a toy in the street and your doing something stupid when the kid is trying to get the toy and you hit and kill him ? could you handle that ? could you live with yourself if that happens ?” well he though about it and he understood the fact that a car is as much as a tool as it is a weapon. this is a shout to everyone that has a friend or a family member who passes the test but dose not drive safe. please please please for the sake of your friend or family and everyone els. get him or her to understand that driving is like handling a gun. you carelessly handle a gun the gun will carelessly kill you. make sure they understand that driving is a weapon. pleas pleas pleas.

and for my sis. she was put in a bind. her mom was in danger. my brother and i jumped up and put ourself into action to help fix the problem. we wore ready to put our lives on the line. we wore so close to doing so. her and her family has done what was needed and the situation is under control. they need some money. i am gladly giving them what is needed. i thought about the actions i was taking. i came to see that i am more dangerous then i ever thought.

i am willing to protect my family before i ask questions. i am willing to hurt my brother (emotionally) to save his life. although i am happy i did not need to take that rout. i am willing to kill for my sister and what frightens me even more, my willingness to put my own life on the line. i did not even think about it till after. the most important thing i learned is that family needs to come before you. i thought it was the other way around. but with my actions i am able to see i was wrong. family stand with you. then you move down the line. and you have to know who your family is. that is another important deal is knowing and being able to articulate what is and what is not. remember everyone, no matter who they deserve your help even if they hurt you. but do not give away your love and truest. let it be something that grows over time. love you all. pleas tell me your thought. okay ?

one hell of an eye opener.

i have not done a post in a wile. for two reason. one star wars the old republic and also i went up to my ants house to help take care of her kids. kan and dew. i love this kids to death. they are sweet. they want to be with there cuz blackfire. they are just very loving. them being brother and sis they fight a lot, but they love one another a great deal. anyways, in helping to take care of them and feeding them and making food and giving them what they want as long as they earned it, i came to understand. i so want kids myself. now i understand i am young and i do not wont kids atm. i still have to finish my bucket list first. i will post what that is and what i mean by that on another post. anyways i came to see that i want to be a dad. i love the idea of caring for the kids waking up at 5 in the morning getting they day ready. then staying up till 12 or 1 in the morning cleaning everything up from the day. granted i did this only for 3 days and nights. but every second of it was worth it. then i started to think. wait, what happens when it is the kids of my own ? and i cant just run away when ever i can. will the stress be greater ? will i like it less ? how will i react to it ? then i remembered. life is what you make it. and if i dont want to like it i wont. then i started to remember life is more then just you. and that life is about what is best for you and the people around you. my dad treated me poorly, but i always understood that he loved me. so i wont to treat my kids well and let them know i love them. when i do have kids. the only part i wont like is the discipline aspect of being a father. i know what not to do, but i don’t know what or how to discipline my kids. i am 1/2 asleep so i am going to cut this short. i came to see that i love the idea of being a father. even though i was like one for a few days do i truelly understand what it means to be a dad ? and funny thing is. i dont care. cuz when i am ready i know i will do a wonderful job to the best of my ability’s. and that is all a kid can ask for in the end. did you do the best job you can ? if so how so. if not why not ?

coletteeatsred:

more men should do this

blackfirekxk :even as a cripple i would walk this gladly.

coletteeatsred:

more men should do this

blackfirekxk :even as a cripple i would walk this gladly.

Love and Family.

My post is about love and more importantly family. my father and i got into an argument a wile back. he wanted to sine my cast. i told him no. i made a promise to my sis that she would sine it then J my girl friend, after that my dad can do what ever he wanted. he yelled at me and said that family should come first. i told him that my sis is my family and if he fails to see that then my mother who is actually my step mom is not family. now mind you i do not think that for a second D my mother is my true mother where as A is my blood mother. the relationship i have with my sis is a stronger and better relationship then what my mom and dad have. so i feel that was a valid argument. tonight i was watching an episode of bones season one. it was the x-mass episode. they wore put in a situation where they could not be with there family’s for x-mass. all they could do was see there loved ones through glass and talk using a head set. i asked myself if i was put in that situation who would i want to see ? i chose my brother and sister. then i thought of J my girl friend, who i do love and care fore. then i thought my mom possibly. and as for my dad, i don’t think he would come. i say this cuz one time i fell off my bike heading home i was about 2 1/2 or 3 miles away. i twisted my ankle, it hurt to the point i could not ride the bike. my dad would not pick me up. he called me a wimp and a mommas boy. he said i am not great full for what he dose for me. he was mad at me for waking him up. he told me to walk home or don’t come home. this is the man i call father. this dose not seem like someone who is family to me. i also chose my ex girl friend jane because i still love her just as much as i did when we wore together. tonight i felt a few tears in my eyes. for me that is as close as i get to crying. the reason i was going to cry was for jane. my love for her is stronger then it was when we wore together. my sis told me from the start of our relationship (jane and i) that she could never love the way i can. that she would never give me the love that i would feel for her. well my sis was right. but jane is still my family. she left me for another guy. yet i love her still and she is my family. now dont get me wrong i have moved on. i have a great and happy relationship with J. but true love. the love that i have for my brother and my sis as well as jane can never die. my brother hurts me from time to time i know he dose not mean it but he dose. i love him none the less. my sis and i have next to no time for one another, but we talk when we can and we show our love. J is a new relationship i am putting my time and heart into and if we are lucky we get to grow into a new love that is more then just sex and looks. we become a family. and through that my brother and sis become her family. jane will always be my family. not as a sis not as an ex GF. but as a person that i love dearly.

family is way past blood. blood is thicker then water yes, but true love is plasma. there are few people i tell that i love. that is my mom, my brother and sis, jane, and j my girl friend. family is a link through loved ones. any family member of my sis i would protect with my life as if they wore my blood. same for my brother. granted i do not hold a relationship with them. but none the less they are important to the ones i love. and all the time i listen to people say i love you. i think people say it and they are not thinking of what love is. they use the word way to lightly. if you love someone as yourself. are you willing to give up the one thing you love the most for them. the one thing i love the most beyond everything els is my life. and i am willing to give that up for them. that is why i love them. not because they are my blood not because they do things for me when i ask them to, not because they are perfect for me. simply because they are there for me. i tell people every year do not do anything for my birthday. they do something anyways. i know that the people who really care are going to not listen to me and do what will make me happy. and that is say happy birthday and talk to me. that is why i love them, because they really do care. so next time you are about to say i love you. ask yourself do you truly care ? are you willing to give up the one thing you love most for them ? are you really ?

tell me what you think of my post give me your thoughts and ideas of what i say. and pleas i ask you to look at my main points. not my past. don’t be sorry for me, be happy for me that i am now this boy who can love even through all the pain that people give me. be happy for me that i can move past what the world expects and that i can do what i think is right. also please do ask me any and all questions. understand ? 

pauloquiogue:



Four-year-old Paige Bennethum really, really didn’t want her daddy to go to Iraq. So much that when Army Reservist Staff Sgt. Brett Bennethum lined up in formation at his deployment this July, she couldn’t let go. No one had the heart to pull her away.

Blackfirekxk: *everyone had the heart to let her be*

pauloquiogue:

Four-year-old Paige Bennethum really, really didn’t want her daddy to go to Iraq. So much that when Army Reservist Staff Sgt. Brett Bennethum lined up in formation at his deployment this July, she couldn’t let go. No one had the heart to pull her away.

Blackfirekxk: *everyone had the heart to let her be*

my bro and sis are not blood related to me or each other.

My brother and sis dated at one point in time. back in high school. they love one another. just as much if not more then i love jane. they love one another so much they can not simply be friends. they are not together yet they act like they are. they can not live there own lives. don’t get me wrong i would love for them to be together. i love them both so much. they helped me through a lot. they even helped me through some of the lowest times of my life. but my brother and sis need to make a choice. are they together or not ? right now they have such an unhealthy relationship it is painful to watch. i can not do anything about it. my sis understand that they are not doing the right thing yet she continues to do so. my brother on the other hand is just not thinking or seeing how it is bad.

the point of me making this post is to ask you out there who are in the same or almost the same situation to look within your heart and to see the harm you are making for yourself. have the strength to do what is best for you and the person involved. make and follow lines that will keep you in check. spend some time not talking and not seeing one another till you miss that person less. so that you can have the self control to not hurt yourself and or the other person. tell the other person what you think is the right thing to do. talk about it not only with the person involved but your friends that can also help you stay in check. i have no problem with you loving the person i am only asking you to not show that love in an unhealthy manner. don’t hold hands, don’t kiss one another, and fight any sexual needs you may have from the person involved. love yourself enough to love them the way that is fit. declare what your relationship is and stay in the lines of that relationship. chose to be friends or lovers. chose to be a family or a couple. don’t walk on the line of the unknown. it is unhealthy and slows down your life. so agin all in all find the bounds to follow, look for the limits and stay in them. the heart needs a path to walk on. it cant walk on an open trail. guide your heart on a safe path it can come to understand. take control of your life and live strong and healthy.

the price you must pay, is she the right one for you ?

in this world we live in everything has a price. you get a girl friend there is a price, the price can be good or bad. you get mad and don’t control yourself, there is a price, more then likely a bad price is what you pay. you take from someone, someone will take from you. a price is not all ways karma. a price can simply be cause and affect. nothing in this world comes free. the point of me posting this is for me to talk about J my girl friend. she is a sweet girl. she is simply wonderful. i love her a great deal. i have loved before J, her name was Jane. i have a thing for girls with names that start with J. anyways, her price (Jane’s) was not worth it. don’t get me wrong i did love her i was in love with her. i still do love her to this day, but her price was simply not worth it. we had sex, no matter what i did she would find a way to get mad at me. now you may be thinking i suck in bed. well that may be true, that is a subjective matter. but i am the kind of guy that listens to the girl i love i want to do things the best i can for her. if she did not enjoy it i change it. either way this is normal, problems tend to happen when you have sex with a women. witch is 100% understandable. it is an odd feeling that is hard for women to comprehend, to take hold of and understand. some women are lucky they do understand what is going on with them. but most men have a price to pay. to tell the truth there is not one man i have met that dose not pay a price. so my point is with women you have to pay a price. how do you know if the girl your with is right for you ? how do you know she is the one that you CAN spend the rest of your life with ? well that answer is simple. you ask yourself, is she worth the price you pay ? what is the price you pay ? what do you do when you must pay the price ? when i was with jane everything made the price i pay come up. but i am not making this post on Jane. she is an example. i am making this post on J. with J the price seams to be her being a bit cranky. granted she and i are a new relationship we might be blinded by one another. but so far i can say her price is 100% worth it. her price is also more oddly enough. if we have sex she wants to have more. now personally i am not that big of a fan of sex. i like it, but i can live with not having sex. anyways, so ask yourself. is the girl worth the price ? what is the price ? what makes the price come up ? dose the price make the relationship unhealthy ? now don’t get me wrong. guys do have a price as well. my price is that after we do something i like to talk about it. what ever it is. my price is that the closer i get i am afraid that she is not happy, that i am not doing something right. so this is also for girls. is he worth the price you pay ? is he really that perfect ? part of the reason i am making this post is to talk about j my girl friend. to talk about my past and help people not make the mistake jane and i made. the mistake jane and i made was that we did not end the relationship when we understood that we wore not for one another. this is a message gose to people’s hearts. to help you look into your heart and ask your self is your relationship true ? is it healthy ? look into yourself be strong enough to see the truth. it is right there in front of you.

Some of my motivations.

i have a lot i want to learn in life. everything is what i want to know. good and bad. i am 19 years old, but i tell people that i am 6. the reason is i have so much to learn and i am not an adult yet, by law i may be but not in mind or soul. what i will do with the information i learn is tell the world, i do not think information should have a price on it, so here i am trying to change the world to how i see fit starting with myself. the world is what you make it. and i want to live in a world where there is love and health. health is a bit broad of a word. i like to focus on health of the body and heart. with ought a healthy heart your body means nothing. you have no motivations and you have no worth to yourself or others. and i do not mean this as the actual heart. i mean this in the sense of emotion. if you are not emotionally strong then life is just that much harder. i do not claim to have a healthy heart. i claim to have a strong heart. i do see that most people do in fact have a strong heart, but they fail to see it. see the strength within yourself. that is what i ask people to do emotionally. this WILL give you the strength you need to change yourself physically. i have a lovely girlfriend. i call her J. J’s mother is a cancer survivor. i can not help her mother all that much i do not yet know enough. but what i can do is help J prevent having the same problems. so one of my motivations is knowing how to prevent cancer. i like to use food as prevention. another motivation is my father, he is my motivation like no other. my father is a drinker and makes a lot of unhealthy choices. he is over weight and he can not let go of a lot of his comfort foods. he is my father, he will not let me help him with his health. he is a boy who was never given the chance to grow up to be a man. my father will not let me help him so i wish to help people who are willing to listen and change there self for the better. my two main motivations are the two people i care for the most. but my last motivation that is just as important,is the world that i see. i respect all people. i may not agree with you, i may not like you, i may even hate who you are, but i will respect you i will help you with heart and body. i am the change i want to see in the world not the hate that others show to me. wow … this is a long post. i am going to wrap this up by saying life is what you make it, so start making yourself into what you want the world to be.